You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
