Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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