I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
