Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
