it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
