dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize