My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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