stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
