In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
