cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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