i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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