Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
