I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
