the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
