im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
