I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Do you still have your period?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
