i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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