somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
