And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
