i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
