Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize