i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my being single is dangerous.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
