Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
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I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
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Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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