I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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