i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
