ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
