it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
