the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
