Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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