who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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