last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
