You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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