I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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