Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
