I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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