if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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