Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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