just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
