he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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