Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
