My first STD was from a foam party
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
