she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
