I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
