why didn't you poke me back
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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