She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
