i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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