we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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