just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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