Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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