how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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