I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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