She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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