I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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