I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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