im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
