Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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