I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
