I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
