Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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