WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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